So, as I sit on the bus headed back to Texas from STL, I immediately begin to think about how blessed I am. (and about how I’m going to be on this thing until 7 in the morning -___-)
Since my mother passed in 2012, I’ve had a very hard time being home. Every place I went reminded me of her. I would ride past the Goodwill on Forest Park and remember the many hours we spent thrifting. Would drive downtown and see Casino Queen and remember the times we went to the casino to indulge in “all you can eat” crab legs. I would walk into the house and still smell the scent of her favorite White Diamonds perfume and immediately break down in tears. I honestly couldn’t even really call STL home anymore and actually mean it since she’s been gone. I never realized how many of my family members I shut out, because of that. I’ve stop calling, visiting, etc. I don’t know if I thought it would be easier to deal with it on my own without having them around or what. Or maybe I thought that they would constantly remind me of her loss and I didn’t want to hear it. Maybe I just didn’t think they would understand my pain. For whatever reason, I decided to hide from people that have raised me, rooted for me, and been there for me since November 11, 1988 and that’s not right. So this past week, I decided to enjoy my family and the simple things with them.
I sat and watched Family Feud with my great grandmother and talked to her about my life.
I took my niece to experience the most special place to me in STL which is “The Muny”; an outdoor theater that has productions of musicals. We saw Beauty and the Beast and it was AH-MAZING!
I rode around downtown with my aunt, blasting Michael Jackson, with the windows down so everyone could hear us on stage at our “Car concert”. lol
I had dinner with my cousins and got to hold my new baby cousin as well as meet my 2 year old cousin for the first time who absolutely fell in love with me.
I can name many more, but I will spare you all. But you get my point. Lol. There is literally no place like home. I never realized how much I appreciated and missed my family until this trip. So I pledge to do better. Home is where the heart is and my heart is definitely and will ALWAYS be in St. Louis, MO.