Suicidal Thoughts of Love
Why would I even attempt to make myself vulnerable ? For you ? Time and time again I gave my all to those in the past hoping that you could possibly reciprocate the feeling. That’s what you do when you find interest in some one right? That’s what you do when you think they are the one? Beyoncé one plus one is two.. But people these days. Is adding to the equation …. See I’m Still trying to get to the other side of the equal sign with you. I subtracted my X from this equation to let you know the sum of us is greater than what was once before . But yet I still don’t understand y I would do it ? To get to the other side we would probably have to reciprocate the feelings just to find out the outcome of whatever could be. But once again …. Y would I do that . See you can’t seem to move on from the past, hurt and emotionally stained, but you flinch when someone tries to wipe it off … Yet I still put my self out there. As a man I know through the years men have hurt you and that’s the reason for your hesitant behavior. It’s the resistance In you I can feel… Sitting here got me singing ” what are you afraid of,this is supposed to be what dreams are made of…..” You sleeping on the one you been dreaming of, if you would just wake up you could Thank me later… I don’t think you caught that, in my feelings like drake. this my my first attempt to be relevant of your list. I wish you could thank me now. But you take me for a joke , and when you start to laugh… Shyt It seems like I just want what I can’t have … Won’t even give me a chance.. Claiming I’m just not as serious as you, if you only new, this is serious…if you only knew … This is serious..This is just the interlude to what I’m trying to show you.. I wish we could be on one page and we sing it it like karaoke… Maybe I could show you your purpose.. In the back of mind I’m wondering if this is even worth it… You wonder why I’m so consistent thinking I’m here to ruin you again, I’m not here for you to show me a good time…I’m here for the positives leave the past behind . Hell I was only tryna get ahead…. But the spotlight makes you nervous.. I’m trying to let you shine , and that’s my purpose… For you I’m about whatever man the past opinions don’t count we the only thing that matter.. It be Up all night , Ima be here , I don’t really wanna lose you this year .. But yet you still afraid.. Your regrets please let me shut them down.. Your. Hurt I notice . We all notice and See would have thought, I’d be caught in your eyes, I’m trying to celebrate with a toast and get lost in the night and make your soul light up … Like fire works.. Maybe then i could find your love.. Nothing fancy and maybe that’s the reason I can’t get to you. You see , I’m putting myself out there it’s a life or death situation. So as I sit here drinking on this suicide… I realize the irony of putting myself out there for your heart, possibly destroying myself and at the same time you are slowly deteriorating your heart and psyche the more you hold on the negatives. I just hope that you think of me, hoping to be unforgettable with my efforts as I dive in head first, Kamikaze… Yea it’s on, you know what it is when I finally make it home. I just hope you miss me a little when in gone… But just know even after me, your problems are far from over … Yea it’s far from over …..
The Hurricane by Me
I want you. I really do. But I can’t let go of the pain they’ve caused. I can’t look at you with a clear vision because my eyes are so clouded with lies, deceit, tears from sadness. Even though my heart is wanting you, my mind is against anything or anyone that would actually leave me happy. See, I know I don’t know much about algebra, but I know that 1 + 1= 2. And I know that’s where you want to be. The other half of that equation. But I can’t let that happen and I see you understand why. But that doesn’t make it fair. You don’t deserve to constantly feel the hurt from my hurt. The pain from my pain. The wrath from my wrath. You deserve more. And that more just isn’t me. I don’t think I’m worth it. See, I’m afraid. I’m scared that, everything I did wrong with him…will transpose with you. I was never good enough even though I felt my love was big enough. And I just can’t let that thought go. Can’t let the negative images of the harsh words leave my mind. You want so bad to love me. But I don’t think you have necessary tools to knock down this thick wall I’ve built. I don’t think you have the perfect type of glue to mend the pieces to my broken heart. And it’s sad because you consume my thoughts. I dream with my eyes wide open when I’m with you. But as soon as I fall asleep, I’m troubled by the nightmares of him. It feels like I don’t care, I laugh and make you feel like you don’t matter. But I’m just hiding my deepest emotions. You’re my deepest emotion. I just wish I could love you the way you love me. And as I sip on this frozen “Hurricane” I sit and think about the effects I have on you. A powerful and damaging storm. Destroying you fast even though you’re trying to draw out the process by loving me slow. I’m affecting your surroundings. You can’t even think straight because you’re so focused on me. My tears are like heavy rain, flooding your soul. I’m trying to save you. Please let me go to drown in my hurt alone. Let the high winds destroy me; I’d rather not destroy you. I’m sure another girl will keep your heart alive. I promise not to let the effects of it turn into a suicide….
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