When Letting Go is Hard to Do Pt. 2

“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.”
Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience

So about a week ago, I made a post on the reasons I feel like it’s hard to let go; You’re comfortable, you don’t want to be alone, you don’t believe you will find anyone better, and you simply just don’t know how to. I received a lot of feedback on additional reasons such as, you are simply in love with that person. It was important to me to follow up to explore exactly why I feel you should get up and go.

  1. It’s more painful to hold on to someone then it is to let them go.

Let’s ponder on this for a minute…Every day, you find yourself in your room, at night with ears full of tears and wet pillows. Everything about you has changed. Your smile is different. The way you walk and the way you talk is no longer the same. Your friends, family and loved one’s no longer recognize you. The pain is evident on the inside as well as the outside of you. Letting go doesn’t mean the the pain will automatically be erased, but its a step in the right direction for your strength and happiness to be restored.

2. What you’re holding on to, probably no longer exists.

Man….If this one reason didn’t hit home for me. I remember holding on to relationships based on how my significant other USED to be. He WAS so sweet. He WAS so nice. He USED to do this…He USED to do that. Even though now, he stayed out all night, he never did or said nice things to me, he was rude, mean, and inconsiderate. But since he once showed me how it felt to “feel” loved…my mind wouldn’t allow me to focus on the NOW. I couldn’t focus on what was currently wrong in the relationship. I was holding on to what used to be, believing that it would all come back. That everything would eventually be the same. I understand. It is so hard to change what you’re used to and shift your emotions into reality at times. But in the end, it wills save a lot of hurt and pain if you let it go.

3. You do not want to be held back.

Ever feel like you are continuously moving, but going absolutely no where at the same time? It’s like a ton of bricks are on your back and you can’t do anything about it. When you stay in a toxic relationship, friendships, etc…that’s exactly what it feels like. You can’t move forward. You can’t grow. You’re in a position where you begin to feel like you’re stuck. You can’t turn left or right. Can’t move forward or even back. It effects your mental, physical, and even spiritual growth sometimes. And to me…That’s one of the worst feelings in the world.

So again guys…I have explored just 3 reasons why I feel you should let go. Talk to me. Let me know what you think. Whether you agree, disagree, or have more reasons to add.

Happy Reading! Love,

B

Trilogy by Steffy with Unbelievable Truths

This week’s Sister With Vision is a little different. All week, we have been discussing the subject of “Letting Go” and it is with great pleasure that I feature this beautiful and POWERFUL poem written by a fellow blogger and sorority sister of mine. Enduring what she went through and being able to write about it and starting process of “letting go” makes this woman EXTREMELY strong and brave. Please look at this poem written by Steffy with Unbelievable Truths and visit her website.

https://theunbelievabletruths.wordpress.com/2015/03/01/trilogy-2/

Trilogy

Taken

For someone I used to love and only wanted the best for.

Never thought your hate for me would go this far.

To stoop so low.

Like a thief in the night, you slipped in without fright.

Every word you spoke seemed so sly,

Something was certainly different about the look in your eyes.

I lay there trying to ignore your presence,

Clenching my blanket, the aura in the room was of an unfamiliar essence.

A small breeze followed by a cold hand,

Like a skilled bandit, you maneuvered your way in, touching my skin.

Trying to escape… every struggle, every move…

There was nothing I could do; I was trapped under your weight and wide frame.

You moaned, I cried out “stop… no.”

You grunted in pleasure, I grimaced in pain.

You pumped your frustration and hatred in and out of me,

I lay there limp, no facial expression, no emotions… limp.

For what seemed like an eternity, you were finally finished…

Rolling off me with heavy breathing and exhaustion,

The sound of your zipper, felt like nails on a chalk board.

Without a word you left, I lay there flat… face down.

The front door closed and tears flowed harder soaking the sheets under me.

My most prized possession, gone.

Taken.

The Aftermath

Days, weeks, months had passed.

Seconds, minutes, hours… passed

There had been only one soul I had told,

No one seemed to understand,

I blamed myself every day for what happened to me.

I knew some way somehow, this was all my fault.

Feelings of worthlessness consumed me,

Isolation was the best answer.

Isolation from God, friends, life… men.

God, because I couldn’t fathom why He would let such a thing happen.

Friends, because I was afraid of judgment

Life, what is life… something so valuable… stripped right from under me.

Men, the thought of any intimate interaction with the male species turned my stomach

They made my blood boil…

I was so insecure in my skin, in my hair…

I still felt dirty even after numerous showers and scrubbing myself raw.

No one would love me… I was mentally alone.

One night I was lying in my bed, crying myself to sleep,

Just when I thought there was no hope… He spoke

And that was the last time I cried tears of pain.

God gives the toughest battles to His strongest soldiers…

Recovery

“It took a whole damn year to repair my body

It took a whole damn year….. Gon’ take a long long year for me to trust somebody

Gon’ take long long year.”

For an entire year I went through this entire process of feeling less than the soil of the earth to regaining my mental strength and being comfortable with my physical appearance. It would be a lie if I said I was completely healed and had no days where emotionally I was drained from remembering that day. I had to accept that at any time this could happen to anyone when we least expect it and from who we least expect. We don’t expect anyone that we used to love to hurt us in such a way.

“…Get it together

You wanna heal your body

You have to heal your heart

Whatsoever you sow you will reap

Get it together…”

Get it together! That’s exactly what I decided to do. I couldn’t be “broken” forever. Healing me is first on my to-do list. Learning to love me again is one of the greatest tasks I’ve ever accomplished, aside from loving God. I’ve committed to setting my life up for success. Happiness is a must, I am in control of that at all times. If and when I find a life partner, personally I’ll be ready and fully in love with whom I am before attempting to love someone. Building a good soil within my heart to produce a thriving life harvest. To love, wholeheartedly; something I had not done in many years… I’m excited about it! 🙂

Dr. Klein said that firmly believing that success is healing our psychological-emotional-physical wounds and living rightly in a purified body as the free and fearless spirits that we truly are. The absolute best chance we have to heal is by taking the route of allowing the body to do the work on its own terms, without interfering…

“The choice is yours

No matter what it is

To choose life is to choose to forgive

You don’t have to try

To hurt him and break his pride

To shake that weight off

And you will be ready to fly..”

I chose to fly….

When Letting Go is Hard To Do 

Why is it so hard to let go of people that continues to cause you pain?

If you think about it, it’s more painful to hold on, than it is to let go. But time and time again, we find ourselves holding on to toxic relationships, marriages, friendships, even family members, when everything…every clue…every sign is pointing to you LETTING GO and walking away. So in this post, I’m going to explore why I feel it is hard to let go.

  1. You’re comfortable.

Making the decision to leave someone that you have been in a relationship with is not a comfortable feeling by far. Your entire lifestyle may have to change if you go forward with that decision. You realize that staying isn’t the hard part….getting up and leaving is. You may have to leave your home, friends, jobs, etc. There may be a whole bunch of changes that you have to make and you are just not ready for that. So you stick around..through the tears, the sad lonely night (even with them around), and you allow yourself to get sucked in deeper and deeper. Happiness is getting further and further away from your reality, but you can’t seem to find the strength to leave.

2. You don’t want to be alone.

Ok let’s be real. Let’s face it…NO ONE on God’s green Earth actually LIKES to be alone. I don’t think we are programmed to be. So the simple thought of leaving your boyfriend/girlfriend is unbearable. You don’t even think about how you feel NOW…You begin to ponder on how you THINK you will feel later. Lonely, miserable, inadequate, sad, disappointed, and did I mention LONELY?

3. You don’t believe you will find anyone “better”.

Someone make sense of this please. Explain to me what “better” is? I’ve been searching for the answer for a long time, because I know when I was with my ex…I felt the SAME. EXACT. WAY. Even through the lies, cheating, etc…I always felt that I had to stay with him because “I would never find anyone better.” But I realized that the reason I had that mentality is not because I didn’t feel like I would find anyone better…It’s because I didn’t truly believe and understand that I DESERVED better.

4. You simply just don’t know how to.

This is the simplest reason as to why people don’t let go. They don’t know how. They feel that it’s this intricate, scientific, mathematical equation as to how to do it. When really (as hard as it is) all you have to do is just GET UP AND LEAVE. You don’t owe anyone an explanation, you don’t have to turn and jump hoops…all you have to do it go. Again, it won’t be easy, by far. But you CAN DO IT.

So I’ve briefly examined some of the reasons why I feel it is difficult to let go…Talk to me friends. Let me know if you agree, disagree, or if you can add to my list. Lets talk! 🙂

Stay tuned Wednesday, October 14th when I discuss the reasons why I feel you should let go. As always, Thank you for your support! 🙂

With Love,

B

Over

Everything I’ve ever let go of has claw marks on it.
I bet your wounds are still fresh from my nails digging into your skin, pulling you and begging you to stay.
Bargaining and pleading and confessing my love for you with words I’ve never even known existed.
I bet your shirt is still damp from the river of tears I cried when you first said, “It’s over.”
Streaming as wide as the ocean. As calm as the sea but as disturbed and as massive as a hurricane destroying a town like you destroyed my heart.
I bet your legs are still tired from constantly running away from me.
As I chased after you in hopes that you would love me again like I loved you despite of what you said. I realized that you were gone farrrr before you left. And I still didn’t want to let you go.
But I did.
Your wounds healed.
Your shirt dried.
Your legs are well rested.
And we can finally say it’s over.