27 & Single 11.30.15

The holidays always have it’s way of making a single person take a second and really think about their entire life and how they made it to this point of “singleness” within it. Some, it doesn’t bother. Some really enjoy it. Others (like me) kinda hate it. And even though I have a bunch of people that despise my way of thinking when it comes to my “singleness”, I can’t shake the way I feel and I don’t feel bad about it. So I know a while back I explored the reasons why I feel like I’m single. I think this time though, I’m going to tell you all why I absolutely dislike being 27 and Single.

3. I’m old.

So I recently celebrated a birthday a couple of weeks ago and I seriously sat down and began to think and was taken back by the fact that I had just turned 27 (I’m almost 30 for Christ sake!) and I didn’t have that special person in my life. Ya know, to take me out to dinner, kiss me multiple times, and tell me how much they love me and can’t wait to spend many more birthdays with me. Now of course those aren’t the only reasons for me, but who doesn’t like a little romance? But seriously, I feel that I am getting older and I can’t honestly let go of the feeling of wanting a family. A husband to grow old with and be by my side throughout the most important times of my life and 5 little mini me’s running around wrecking havoc in the house. I want the hardships, the craziness that marriage and children bring. I want that mixed with the beauty that I also fantasize about each day.

2. I’m pretty dope.

Sometimes when I get to feeling down about my “situation”, I look in the mirror and have a full blown out conversation with myself about myself. Crazy right? I know. But I seriously have to remind myself that in the midst of all of my flaws…I’m not too bad. I’m actually pretty dope. I have so much love and affection to offer someone. Hell I have too much. I want to pour all this “loving energy” into a husband. I honestly can’t sit here and say or try to cause you all to believe that I have it all together. Because that would be a lie. I can sometimes be as messed up as they come, but one thing every person that knows me will say is that I have the biggest heart out of everyone they know. I am a good person. I can’t wait to find the guy who will be able to witness my awesomeness for an eternity.

1. *Sings* “I’m so sick of being lonely…” 

Ok, so I know what most will say…”If you can’t handle being alone then you don’t need to be in a relationship….blah blah blah.” And you know what?…I get it. I feel like I can handle being alone. Hell, I really don’t have a choice. But will I ever admit to actually liking it? Nah. Never. I love companionship tooooo much. I love the idea of coming home and telling my husband all about my day. He will take off my shoes and massage my feet while I relax for just a second, then I’ll get up and prepare dinner and we just have this beautiful “unlonely” life together. Lol. I may sound totally silly but I can’t rid my feelings regarding this one. I am not a fan of sleeping alone at night. *shrugs*

So I just explored 3 reasons why I really hate being single. Now you know that I can name a few more like, “I need someone to keep me warm in the winter”, “I want to go on free dates, “, “I need someone to help keep my car maintained….oh and let’s not forget that “Netflix and Chill” is so much better with company near by…lol…but I didn’t want to make the list too long. But seriously, I know and understand that God is up there brewing up the perfect guy for me. He is preparing him, pouring into him, just for little ol me. But patience is one of the virtues that I struggle with each and every day when it comes to this subject. But hey, who knows? Maybe in a few months I’ll be writing a post about the reasons I love my boyfriend…….A girl can dream right? 😉

This single chick is signing off!- B

Advertisements

Meet Breast Cancer Previvor, Monique Douglas

This week’s Sister With Vision feature is very special to me. As we all know, this month is Breast Cancer Awareness Month and it is a disease common in the community of African American women. It is the most common cancer among African American woman and in 2013, an estimated 27,060 new cases of breast cancer and 6,080 deaths were expected to occur among African American women. So it is with great pleasure that I introduce to you Breast Cancer Previvor, Monique Douglas. Please read and share her amazing story.

monique1

My name is Monique Douglas. I am 25 (soon to be 26) years old. I am from Baton Rouge, Louisiana. I graduated from Southeastern Louisiana University in 2012 in Organizational Communication. I am currently a clinical training specialist for a hospital in Baton Rouge. My mother is a two time breast cancer survivor and my grandmother, who is now deceased, was a 26 year survivor. My family history of breast cancer is very strong. When my mother was diagnosed, I was 11 years old. Although I knew what breast cancer was, I didn’t know the details. She had a lumpectomy and radiation and was back at work in 6 weeks. For all I knew, my mother was just sick. My parents didn’t make a huge deal out of everything because they didn’t want to scare me. As I got older, my mother educated me on breast cancer and I become aware of how serious it was. My mother was a big part of Susan G. Komen Baton Rouge affiliate and I volunteered numerous times over the years in high school and throughout college.

moniquw

Fast forward 13 years from my mother’s first diagnosis, she called me downstairs in May of last year and told me they found cancer in the same breast and same spot as before. I was devastated. I am the only child and have no brothers and sisters that understood how I was feeling at that time, but my mom assured me everything would be okay and she was planning to have a double mastectomy and reconstructive surgery ASAP. She found wonderful doctors in New Orleans who performed a double mastectomy and reconstructive surgery. She did 4 rounds of chemotherapy and was then tested for the BRCA gene, this is the gene that carries mutations for breast and ovarian cancer. In October of 2014, she tested positive for the gene and as soon as she tested positive I went to my doctor to see about getting tested. In my mind, I almost knew I would test positive because of my strong family history. I was sent to a breast specialist, Dr. Hailey in Baton Rouge and he told me my percentage (chance of Breast cancer) was so high that he suggested that I have a double mastectomy with reconstructive surgery within the year. I WAS FLOORED!!!! I was 24 and was planning to wait at least 5-10 years to have such a drastic surgery, but I did not hesitate with my decision. I remember him telling me “Monique it isn’t a matter of IF cancer will show up, honestly it’s a matter of WHEN.” From there he gave me recommendations for a plastic surgeon to do the reconstructive part and I started doing my research.

image1

A few months earlier, I went with my mother to a doctor when she was trying to find a surgeon, Dr. Sadeghi in New Orleans, who really impressed me. I decided to call his office and explain my situation to them the staff was SO helpful and caring and in January I went for my consultation and scheduled my surgery in February 2015. I have a double mastectomy with DIEP flap reconstruction. They removed all of my breast tissue and made new breast from fat from my abdomen. All together I had 3 surgeries over 8 months and can say I do not regret my decision. My chance of breast cancer occurring went from 84-86% to 1-2% which is AMAZING. I feel and look the same way I did before the surgery besides my scars across my abdomen and on my breast and I can live better knowing how much my chances have increased. I will get ultrasounds of my breasts and ovaries every 6 months to stay on top of things just in case but will no longer need to get mammograms. Not everyone with the BRCA gene may not make the decision I made to have a double mastectomy at such a young age, but I encourage you to get checked regularly and if something doesn’t feel right go see the doctor. Nobody knows your body as well as you do.

Thank you so very much, Monique for sharing your story. It takes great courage to be so transparent with the world, on a such a sensitive subject as this. You are truly a Sister With Vision. 

With Sisterly Love,

B

When Letting Go is Hard to Do Pt. 2

“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.”
Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience

So about a week ago, I made a post on the reasons I feel like it’s hard to let go; You’re comfortable, you don’t want to be alone, you don’t believe you will find anyone better, and you simply just don’t know how to. I received a lot of feedback on additional reasons such as, you are simply in love with that person. It was important to me to follow up to explore exactly why I feel you should get up and go.

  1. It’s more painful to hold on to someone then it is to let them go.

Let’s ponder on this for a minute…Every day, you find yourself in your room, at night with ears full of tears and wet pillows. Everything about you has changed. Your smile is different. The way you walk and the way you talk is no longer the same. Your friends, family and loved one’s no longer recognize you. The pain is evident on the inside as well as the outside of you. Letting go doesn’t mean the the pain will automatically be erased, but its a step in the right direction for your strength and happiness to be restored.

2. What you’re holding on to, probably no longer exists.

Man….If this one reason didn’t hit home for me. I remember holding on to relationships based on how my significant other USED to be. He WAS so sweet. He WAS so nice. He USED to do this…He USED to do that. Even though now, he stayed out all night, he never did or said nice things to me, he was rude, mean, and inconsiderate. But since he once showed me how it felt to “feel” loved…my mind wouldn’t allow me to focus on the NOW. I couldn’t focus on what was currently wrong in the relationship. I was holding on to what used to be, believing that it would all come back. That everything would eventually be the same. I understand. It is so hard to change what you’re used to and shift your emotions into reality at times. But in the end, it wills save a lot of hurt and pain if you let it go.

3. You do not want to be held back.

Ever feel like you are continuously moving, but going absolutely no where at the same time? It’s like a ton of bricks are on your back and you can’t do anything about it. When you stay in a toxic relationship, friendships, etc…that’s exactly what it feels like. You can’t move forward. You can’t grow. You’re in a position where you begin to feel like you’re stuck. You can’t turn left or right. Can’t move forward or even back. It effects your mental, physical, and even spiritual growth sometimes. And to me…That’s one of the worst feelings in the world.

So again guys…I have explored just 3 reasons why I feel you should let go. Talk to me. Let me know what you think. Whether you agree, disagree, or have more reasons to add.

Happy Reading! Love,

B

When Letting Go is Hard To Do 

Why is it so hard to let go of people that continues to cause you pain?

If you think about it, it’s more painful to hold on, than it is to let go. But time and time again, we find ourselves holding on to toxic relationships, marriages, friendships, even family members, when everything…every clue…every sign is pointing to you LETTING GO and walking away. So in this post, I’m going to explore why I feel it is hard to let go.

  1. You’re comfortable.

Making the decision to leave someone that you have been in a relationship with is not a comfortable feeling by far. Your entire lifestyle may have to change if you go forward with that decision. You realize that staying isn’t the hard part….getting up and leaving is. You may have to leave your home, friends, jobs, etc. There may be a whole bunch of changes that you have to make and you are just not ready for that. So you stick around..through the tears, the sad lonely night (even with them around), and you allow yourself to get sucked in deeper and deeper. Happiness is getting further and further away from your reality, but you can’t seem to find the strength to leave.

2. You don’t want to be alone.

Ok let’s be real. Let’s face it…NO ONE on God’s green Earth actually LIKES to be alone. I don’t think we are programmed to be. So the simple thought of leaving your boyfriend/girlfriend is unbearable. You don’t even think about how you feel NOW…You begin to ponder on how you THINK you will feel later. Lonely, miserable, inadequate, sad, disappointed, and did I mention LONELY?

3. You don’t believe you will find anyone “better”.

Someone make sense of this please. Explain to me what “better” is? I’ve been searching for the answer for a long time, because I know when I was with my ex…I felt the SAME. EXACT. WAY. Even through the lies, cheating, etc…I always felt that I had to stay with him because “I would never find anyone better.” But I realized that the reason I had that mentality is not because I didn’t feel like I would find anyone better…It’s because I didn’t truly believe and understand that I DESERVED better.

4. You simply just don’t know how to.

This is the simplest reason as to why people don’t let go. They don’t know how. They feel that it’s this intricate, scientific, mathematical equation as to how to do it. When really (as hard as it is) all you have to do is just GET UP AND LEAVE. You don’t owe anyone an explanation, you don’t have to turn and jump hoops…all you have to do it go. Again, it won’t be easy, by far. But you CAN DO IT.

So I’ve briefly examined some of the reasons why I feel it is difficult to let go…Talk to me friends. Let me know if you agree, disagree, or if you can add to my list. Lets talk! 🙂

Stay tuned Wednesday, October 14th when I discuss the reasons why I feel you should let go. As always, Thank you for your support! 🙂

With Love,

B

My Thoughts on Loving You 

Loving you

Is the easiest thing I’ve ever learned to do. 

What’s hard is standing by your side as you love someone else. 

My heart is full of you while yours is full of her. 

Can’t you see…

I smile when you smile.

I laugh when you laugh. 

And when you’re at your lowest

I feel your pain and 

I’m there when you fall

To place you right back on your feet. 

Can’t you see…  

When I’m with you

When I touch you

And hold you, and even when I kiss you 

That I’m the best version of myself. 

I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.

But…

Your heart is filled with emotions

And you just can’t let them loose

I sit and watch you pour out your soul. 

You hope for more, 

Wish for more,

Pray that her love 

Completely mimics your love

But in the end 

The fact remains 

That you’re just a person,

In love on your own. 

And I am one in the same. 

When Two Poets Collide

IMG_4918

Suicidal Thoughts of Love

by BluSatire 

Why would I even attempt to make myself vulnerable ? For you ? Time and time again I gave my all to those in the past hoping that you could possibly reciprocate the feeling. That’s what you do when you find interest in some one right? That’s what you do when you think they are the one? Beyoncé one plus one is two.. But people these days. Is adding to the equation …. See I’m Still trying to get to the other side of the equal sign with you. I subtracted my X from this equation to let you know the sum of us is greater than what was once before . But yet I still don’t understand y I would do it ? To get to the other side we would probably have to reciprocate the feelings just to find out the outcome of whatever could be. But once again …. Y would I do that . See you can’t seem to move on from the past, hurt and emotionally stained, but you flinch when someone tries to wipe it off … Yet I still put my self out there. As a man I know through the years men have hurt you and that’s the reason for your hesitant behavior. It’s the resistance In you I can feel… Sitting here got me singing ” what are you afraid of,this is supposed to be what dreams are made of…..” You sleeping on the one you been dreaming of, if you would just wake up you could Thank me later… I don’t think you caught that, in my feelings like drake. this my my first attempt to be relevant of your list. I wish you could thank me now. But you take me for a joke , and when you start to laugh… Shyt It seems like I just want what I can’t have … Won’t even give me a chance.. Claiming I’m just not as serious as you, if you only new, this is serious…if you only knew … This is serious..This is just the interlude to what I’m trying to show you.. I wish we could be on one page and we sing it it like karaoke… Maybe I could show you your purpose.. In the back of mind I’m wondering if this is even worth it… You wonder why I’m so consistent thinking I’m here to ruin you again, I’m not here for you to show me a good time…I’m here for the positives leave the past behind . Hell I was only tryna get ahead…. But the spotlight makes you nervous.. I’m trying to let you shine , and that’s my purpose… For you I’m about whatever man the past opinions don’t count we the only thing that matter.. It be Up all night , Ima be here , I don’t really wanna lose you this year .. But yet you still afraid.. Your regrets please let me shut them down.. Your. Hurt I notice . We all notice and See would have thought, I’d be caught in your eyes, I’m trying to celebrate with a toast and get lost in the night and make your soul light up … Like fire works.. Maybe then i could find your love.. Nothing fancy and maybe that’s the reason I can’t get to you. You see , I’m putting myself out there it’s a life or death situation. So as I sit here drinking on this suicide… I realize the irony of putting myself out there for your heart, possibly destroying myself and at the same time you are slowly deteriorating your heart and psyche the more you hold on the negatives. I just hope that you think of me, hoping to be unforgettable with my efforts as I dive in head first, Kamikaze… Yea it’s on, you know what it is when I finally make it home. I just hope you miss me a little when in gone… But just know even after me, your problems are far from over … Yea it’s far from over …..

The Hurricane by Me

I want you. I really do. But I can’t let go of the pain they’ve caused. I can’t look at you with a clear vision because my eyes are so clouded with lies, deceit, tears from sadness. Even though my heart is wanting you, my mind is against anything or anyone that would actually leave me happy. See, I know I don’t know much about algebra, but I know that 1 + 1= 2. And I know that’s where you want to be. The other half of that equation. But I can’t let that happen and I see you understand why. But that doesn’t make it fair. You don’t deserve to constantly feel the hurt from my hurt. The pain from my pain. The wrath from my wrath. You deserve more. And that more just isn’t me. I don’t think I’m worth it. See, I’m afraid. I’m scared that, everything I did wrong with him…will transpose with you. I was never good enough even though I felt my love was big enough. And I just can’t let that thought go. Can’t let the negative images of the harsh words leave my mind. You want so bad to love me. But I don’t think you have necessary tools to knock down this thick wall I’ve built. I don’t think you have the perfect type of glue to mend the pieces to my broken heart. And it’s sad because you consume my thoughts. I dream with my eyes wide open when I’m with you. But as soon as I fall asleep, I’m troubled by the nightmares of him. It feels like I don’t care, I laugh and make you feel like you don’t matter. But I’m just hiding my deepest emotions. You’re my deepest emotion. I just wish I could love you the way you love me. And as I sip on this frozen “Hurricane” I sit and think about the effects I have on you. A powerful and damaging storm. Destroying you fast even though you’re trying to draw out the process by loving me slow. I’m affecting your surroundings. You can’t even think straight because you’re so focused on me. My tears are like heavy rain, flooding your soul. I’m trying to save you. Please let me go to drown in my hurt alone. Let the high winds destroy me; I’d rather not destroy you. I’m sure another girl will keep your heart alive. I promise not to let the effects of it turn into a suicide….

Please follow my great friend and ever greater blogger on social media and check out his other posts. Website: BluSatire.com IG/Twitter: @BluSatire

the Letter B by Dominique Johnson

With so much talent in this world, it is simply an honor to be able to feature just a handful of them on my blog. So for #TalentTuesday, I would like to feature one of my newly found Poet interests, Dominique Johnson. Please enjoy 🙂

the Letter B
(read aloud for theatrical emphasis)

If I were a bee I would live & love life in the highest degree…
—–Possessing an aire of the highest esteem——
“Different in every regard,” is the aura of this bee.
“Yes Indeed!
“A no-handout-standout” bee is what you would see….
……….BuzZzZz…buzzzzzz…..
I would buzz to a distinguished tune…
Play me to Ratpack music,
“Fly me to the Moon” comes to mind… soul music and the like….
I would live life each day – from golden sunrise to skies of grey…
Oh if I were a bee… I would just be me.

About Dominque:

IMG_0158“I’m a passionate writer. Until I feel like a piece is completely conveyed in the mannerisms that accurately depict my mindset and feelings, I will edit and edit again to get it just right. I feel like the process is just important as the product and so each poem takes on a body of its own in regards to spacing, pauses for thought, and overall flow and rhyme scheme.” -Dominique Johnson

Please support this talented young poet by checking out more of his work at the website listed below and following his social media accounts.

The Continuation of Black Art. | A collection of poetry and pondered thoughts.
officialdomj.wordpress.com

Twitter/Instagram: officialdomj

Thanks for reading and if you would like to be a featured poet, please email me  at bridgette.renee.blair@gmaill.com.

B

The Slow Dance 

Slow dance with me

Place your right hand in the small of my back

And your left…intertwine it with mine.

Pull me close and rock me side to side.

I rest my head on your chest

While Tevin Campbell plays through the speakers

You’re whispering the words of the song in my ear

“Tell me what you want me to do….my love is always here for you and only you”

I smile.

You kiss my cheek and continue to dance with me slowly.

You would think we were alone.

That there were no other people in the room. Or other couples on the floor

Being locked in your arms, I would have never noticed

I melted away into you as we glided across the room

I felt every inch of your love.

All from just a simple slow dance.

“If you understand just how I feel. Then you should know that my love is real.”

Of course I feel like the “Belle of the Ball”. The Queen that you always made me out to be.

I imagine never having to leave this place.

We are enjoying the moment, even though we know that the song won’t last.

And just like that it slowly comes to an end.

No worries, I’m sure our love will bring us back to this place again

With another beautiful and intimate slow dance.

Deja Vu

I swear we have been to this exact same place before.

I remember it like it was yesterday
It was the first time you put your arms around me
It completely made my body come alive
And when you first laid your lips against mine
It took me to a place of bliss that I never even knew existed
When you first said my name, softly and with passion
It sent chills up and down my spine
And every time you’ve done those things again, they always felt like the very first time
The first time we made sweet love
I didn’t want it to end
The passion, deep breathing, slow stroking, was the only thing I wanted at that moment.
I used to sit and dream about making connections and feeling the way I do
And then one day you came into my life and showed me what I’ve been missing.
I’ll never forget the way you made me feel when you placed your big hands around my waist
You stood right behind me, and held me close, making sure that our bodies were connected
You kissed my cheek, then my neck,
My shoulder, then my back
I squirmed and moaned and when I thought you were going further and lower
You came back up to my ear and whispered how much you loved me.
It wasn’t just about the sex. Our souls connected.
The smile on my face and the light in my eyes was enough to make you feel that the love you had for me was more than reciprocated.

This feeling. I remember this feeling.
I never want to let it go.
Do you remember this?
I think it’s the perfect form of Deja Vu.

Over

Everything I’ve ever let go of has claw marks on it.
I bet your wounds are still fresh from my nails digging into your skin, pulling you and begging you to stay.
Bargaining and pleading and confessing my love for you with words I’ve never even known existed.
I bet your shirt is still damp from the river of tears I cried when you first said, “It’s over.”
Streaming as wide as the ocean. As calm as the sea but as disturbed and as massive as a hurricane destroying a town like you destroyed my heart.
I bet your legs are still tired from constantly running away from me.
As I chased after you in hopes that you would love me again like I loved you despite of what you said. I realized that you were gone farrrr before you left. And I still didn’t want to let you go.
But I did.
Your wounds healed.
Your shirt dried.
Your legs are well rested.
And we can finally say it’s over.